Posts tagged karkat vantas
Posts tagged karkat vantas
CG: peixes, let go.
FF: NO WAY, BUST—ER!
CG: let go right now that’s an order from your fucking god-king. you are rubbing your face on my bulge symbol.
FF: YOU AR—E —ENTIR—ELY A BULGE SYMBOL, YOU N—EUROTIC AQUATIC JACKASS. )(OLY FUCK, I’M SO GLAD YOU’R—E ALIV———E!!!
CG: right back at you, chum.
CG: now put me down.
I am going to ignore the important bits on account of what a good word “chum” is for such a karkat. It is a casual friendship affirmation, like bro or dude, it is a fish pun, it is a bucket joke/spongebob ref, and it is also, if he should like, a very vivid threat.
Meanwhile, the Corpse Party Tea Party discusses recent events.
I picked up rereading Homestuck again, and when I hit this bit I laughed because of remembering this post.
[image: xkcd strip fun-ified with homestuck characters. A joke that never grows old in my heart.
PANEL 1: Dirk Strider plays chess versus his computer.
KARKAT: Why’d you move your knight away?
KARKAT: Just think logically. The goal is checkmate, so you should always move pieces toward the other player’s king.
KARKAT: I guess occasionally you need to move backward, but it’d be trivial to make a list of those circumstances and—
DIRK: Have you ever *played* chess?
KARKAT: Not much, but—
KARKAT: Uh, OK.
PANEL 5: They have set up a chessboard.
PANEL 6: Karkat stares uncomprehending at the board.
PANEL 7: Dirk has returned to playing against his computer.
KARKAT: This game isn’t very well designed. For starters, knights are too weak…]
Pairing: John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope/Karkat Vantas
Rating: Explicit (NC-17)
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Noir, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Threesome, Xeno, Bulges and Nooks, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Polyamory, Biting, Scratching
John raises a brow at Terezi. “Do you really want to do this in front of your boyfriend?”
She raises one back. “Do you want to do it in front of yours?”
His shoulders hitch on a soundless laugh. “Good point,” he says and catches your eyes right before he kisses her.
The legislacerator Neophyte Pyrope and the threshecutioner Probationer Vantas had a failing relationship that was vacillating between red and black in a destructive way, until the internationally wanted prankster thief John Egbert swooped in and totally made a mockery of ashen relationships. What kind of auspistice lets it get all the way to the pail? A failed one, that’s what. It still counts if he holds her hands so she cant claw up his pretty human boyfriend TOO much, right? No, no it doesn’t.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY!!
Belated, yes, but still! Stay awesome and amazing and awe-inspiring <3<3<3
I hope you’ll enjoy it!
I am so happy about this story.
i reread homestuck up to cascade recently, and happens I’d forgotten how much FUN john and terezi’s interplay is.
fucking davesprite is too effective an auspistice, shut it down completely.
I mean, this story its also a john & karkat threesome so my affection comes with a warranty and price match guarantee, but I did not even KNOW I had a void in my heart waiting to be met with well done john/terezi blackrom. It MUST be a very special fanfic that illuminates such truths about oneself.
ALSO! it has that thing I like about interspecies alien romance where no, actually, the people involved probably are not having the same romance emotions each other, but they will make it work anyway.
an important and too often ignored consideration in the “Can humans do blackrom” debate.
ALSO the karkat/terezi dynamic is appropriately fraught and dramatic
Also it has really fun art and porn and a good john.
This story forever.
little johnkat for megan
(if you don’t look too closely at how not-relaxed Karkat still is but)
It’s amusing to me that the backdrop is largely bright green. Like Karkat has hit day 11 of wrung out sleeplessness and John decides floating around in a big, wet, sopor coloured cloud is the thing that will make him finally submit to a nap.
(john egbert: not always hopeless when it matters)
It wasn’t as cute as they thought. Who thought this was a good idea???
heh they a literally together lov eme.
"It’s in there!" says John, pointing at a door in the station corridor. There’s no label that Karkat can make out, but the humans keep their habitat segment too bright and too cold. Everything is glittering and slow.
"*What*’s in there!"
John’s lips are twitching. “Karkat, I have told you, it is a surprise. Go and see.”
With what he feels is fully due suspicion, Karkat waves a hand in front of the door. It swings inward, instead of pulling back into the wall. But moving through another species’ exclusive-use space is always slightly off: furniture with no guessable function, or walls curving unexpectedly in space.
John indicates the inside of the door with his eyebrows.
"It’s a closet," Karkat says. "An empty closet."
"Nope!" says John. "Look closer."
Karkat peers. The room is white and bare. There’s a drain in the floor and recessed points in the walls for shelves to attach, but there are no shelves. “John, there’s nothing in here.”
"Are you sure? Maybe you should check."
"You’re right, let me look again," Karkat says. "Yes! I can see it now. A manifest representation of every single fucking one of your good qualities."
"Bluuuuh," says John. "Come on." He takes Karkat’s elbow and leads him into the closet. Now they are both surrounded by bright, close walls. At least John picked a cleaning supplies closet *without* the suggestively shaped receptacles and dusting folds on display like an exhibit at the Imperial Drones Are Your Friends Instructional Museum.
How I feel about this character:
I am super fond.
^— Me contemplating John Egbert
All the people I ship romantically with this character:
THE MORE YOU KNOW: One of my very first efforts in Homestuck fandom, after “John Egbert Kills Everyone: the Comedy Routine”, was “John Egbert Fucks Everyone: the Poetry Collection”
Friend, you were not very specific and you deserve what you get.
After they chain him in a damp, unpleasant smelling room, his kidnappers yank the hood from his face - hello to three copies of generic thug #8: the common fish-breathed no-bath snarl-troll - but they don’t blindfold him before stalking away.
John doesn’t know if it’s a courtesy, or if the trolls who nabbed him have just never sat down and really *thought* about their human stereotypes. His night vision sucks, but it’s not *nonexistent*. They didn’t even take his goggles; the gloomy below-decks shadows are pretty well defined as gloomy below-decks shadows go.
Attached to the adjacent wall, Karkat is loudly attempting to dislodge the blindfold anchored around his horns, but that doesn’t prove anything either way.
"Hey Karkat, calm the hell down!" John calls. "We’ve only been kidnapped by pirates."