odditycollector

Posts tagged karkat vantas

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Original Strip.

[image: xkcd strip fun-ified with homestuck characters. A joke that never grows old in my heart.
PANEL 1: Dirk Strider plays chess versus his computer.
KARKAT: Why’d you move your knight away?
PANEL 2:
KARKAT: Just think logically. The goal is checkmate, so you should always move pieces toward the other player’s king.
PANEL 3:
KARKAT: I guess occasionally you need to move backward, but it’d be trivial to make a list of those circumstances and—
PANEL 4:
DIRK: Have you ever *played* chess?
KARKAT: Not much, but—
DIRK: Wanna?
KARKAT: Uh, OK.
PANEL 5: They have set up a chessboard.
DIRK: *move*
KARKAT: *move*
DIRK: *move*
KARKAT: *move*
DIRK: *move*
KARKAT: *move*
DIRK: *move*
DIRK: Checkmate.
PANEL 6: Karkat stares uncomprehending at the board.
PANEL 7: Dirk has returned to playing against his computer.
KARKAT: This game isn’t very well designed. For starters, knights are too weak…]

Filed under sxkcb? dirk strider karkat vantas homestuck

102 notes

Really Bad Eggs

everlind:

Pairing: John Egbert/Terezi Pyrope/Karkat Vantas

Rating: Explicit (NC-17)

By: everlind and orangelemonart for saffronheliotrope

Warnings: Alternate Universe, Noir, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Ashen Romance | Auspistice, Quadrant Confusion, Quadrant Vacillation, Threesome, Xeno, Bulges and Nooks, Oral Sex, Anal Sex, Polyamory, Biting, Scratching 

Summary: 

John raises a brow at Terezi. “Do you really want to do this in front of your boyfriend?”

She raises one back. “Do you want to do it in front of yours?”

His shoulders hitch on a soundless laugh. “Good point,” he says and catches your eyes right before he kisses her.

=>
The legislacerator Neophyte Pyrope and the threshecutioner Probationer Vantas had a failing relationship that was vacillating between red and black in a destructive way, until the internationally wanted prankster thief John Egbert swooped in and totally made a mockery of ashen relationships. What kind of auspistice lets it get all the way to the pail? A failed one, that’s what. It still counts if he holds her hands so she cant claw up his pretty human boyfriend TOO much, right? No, no it doesn’t.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LILY!! 
Belated, yes, but still! Stay awesome and amazing and awe-inspiring <3<3<3
I hope you’ll enjoy it!

I am so happy about this story.

i reread homestuck up to cascade recently, and happens I’d forgotten how much FUN john and terezi’s interplay is.

fucking davesprite is too effective an auspistice, shut it down completely.

(unlike karkat…)

I mean, this story its also a john & karkat threesome so my affection comes with a warranty and price match guarantee, but I did not even KNOW I had a void in my heart waiting to be met with well done john/terezi blackrom. It MUST be a very special fanfic that illuminates such truths about oneself.

ALSO! it has that thing I like about interspecies alien romance where no, actually, the people involved probably are not having the same romance emotions each other, but they will make it work anyway.

an important and too often ignored consideration in the “Can humans do blackrom” debate.

ALSO the karkat/terezi dynamic is appropriately fraught and dramatic

Also it has really fun art and porn and a good john.

So happy.

This story forever.

Filed under Terezi pyrope karkat vantas john egbert i don't know how to do read mores on mobile but no regrets

185 notes

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bluearturtle:

color doodledoo

soo soothing

(if you don’t look too closely at how not-relaxed Karkat still is but)

It’s amusing to me that the backdrop is largely bright green. Like Karkat has hit day 11 of wrung out sleeplessness and John decides floating around in a big, wet, sopor coloured cloud is the thing that will make him finally submit to a nap.

(john egbert: not always hopeless when it matters)

(via fuckyeahjohnkarkat)

Filed under john egbert karkat vantas green is the best colour subtracted value

35 notes

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"It’s in there!" says John, pointing at a door in the station corridor. There’s no label that Karkat can make out, but the humans keep their habitat segment too bright and too cold. Everything is glittering and slow.

"*What*’s in there!"

John’s lips are twitching. “Karkat, I have told you, it is a surprise. Go and see.”

With what he feels is fully due suspicion, Karkat waves a hand in front of the door. It swings inward, instead of pulling back into the wall. But moving through another species’ exclusive-use space is always slightly off: furniture  with no guessable function, or walls curving unexpectedly in space.

John indicates the inside of the door with his eyebrows.

"It’s a closet," Karkat says. "An empty closet."

"Nope!" says John. "Look closer."

Karkat peers. The room is white and bare. There’s a drain in the floor and recessed points in the walls for shelves to attach, but there are no shelves. “John, there’s nothing in here.”

"Are you sure? Maybe you should check."

"You’re right, let me look again," Karkat says. "Yes! I can see it now. A manifest representation of every single fucking one of your good qualities."

"Bluuuuh," says John. "Come on." He takes Karkat’s elbow and leads him into the closet. Now they are both surrounded by bright, close walls. At least John picked a cleaning supplies closet *without* the suggestively shaped receptacles and dusting folds on display like an exhibit at the Imperial Drones Are Your Friends Instructional Museum.

Read more …

Filed under cheloneuniverse ramble john egbert karkat vantas

12 notes

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   How I feel about this character:

I am super fond.

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^— Me contemplating John Egbert


    All the people I ship romantically with this character:

THE MORE YOU KNOW: One of my very first efforts in Homestuck fandom, after “John Egbert Kills Everyone: the Comedy Routine”, was “John Egbert Fucks Everyone: the Poetry Collection”

Read more …

Filed under aibari john egbert rose lalonde karkat vantas

110 notes

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Friend, you were not very specific and you deserve what you get.

——

After they chain him in a damp, unpleasant smelling room, his kidnappers yank the hood from his face - hello to three copies of generic thug #8: the common fish-breathed no-bath snarl-troll - but they don’t blindfold him before stalking away.

John doesn’t know if it’s a courtesy, or if the trolls who nabbed him have just never sat down and really *thought* about their human stereotypes. His night vision sucks, but it’s not *nonexistent*. They didn’t even take his goggles; the gloomy below-decks shadows are pretty well defined as gloomy below-decks shadows go.

Attached to the adjacent wall, Karkat is loudly attempting to dislodge the blindfold anchored around his horns, but that doesn’t prove anything either way.

"Hey Karkat, calm the hell down!" John calls. "We’ve only been kidnapped by pirates."

Read more …

Filed under demagogol ramble john egbert karkat vantas fantasy world maori john is not my usual john but i needed to borrow *somebody*s weather god so also this is basically the same plot as the astronaut request and that amuses me

19 notes

nightpool42 asked: John/Karkat. Astronaut AU!

Sharing the ISS “Tranquility” Node’s observatory module with Flight Engineer John Egbert reminds Karkat unpleasantly of sharing a bed* with his old jack russell terrier. By all predictive measures, they should both fit comfortably around their own sides of the main window, but John must be comprised of a previously undiscovered, exotic form of gas, because he has miraculously expanded to fill the entire volume available.
Karkat is squeezed into a thin strip between John’s shoulder and a 370 kilometer faceplant into the Atlantic Ocean.

* (Not that Karkat would waste his time imagining sharing a bed with Egbert. It would be terrible; John would take over the entire mattress and knock Karkat right off onto the floor, leaving him with cold feet and a sore ass every night. Wait, no. What? The point is, it would not be the right crewmate scenario to imagine for someone who wants to go to space today and the concept would never even alight gently upon Karkat’s mind.)

John is fondly regarding an ocean storm like it is there by his personal design: he makes soft “whoosh”ing noises and circles his arm to trace it. And because he’s a dipshit who’s forgotten that he has been in *freefall* for the past 4 weeks and has to *hold on*, every time he turns his arm the rest of his body tries to spin in the opposite direction. Karkat has to anchor them both with his temple against John’s collarbone.

"I really like it here," John says.

"Hah, yes, this is a good thing," says Karkat. "Otherwise we must give an emergency request to Houston. John Egbert has become bored of space, please urgently take a shuttle out of your museum, dust it a little maybe, and send it here for his rescue."

"Pfft. That’s not what I mean, dude," John says. "We both know that space is the best place to be." And apparently he has not yet claimed *enough* of the module, because one of his arms floats lightly against Karkat’s side. "But I could stay *here* forever." Karkat stretches his neck around to glare, but John is looking far past him. John’s glasses reflect the earth twice over. Everything is silver and blue and Karkat is frozen in his own very small and silent infinity.

The sun sets behind the Earth as the station falls. It catches on the razor edge of atmosphere, and for a brief, blazing moment, John is painted gold.

"Hmm. Not me. I can’t be here any longer," Karkat says. "I’m needed for fungus plate torture." John looks slightly confused - all three of the ISS crew memorize each other’s daily schedules, and the fungus experiment doesn’t need Karkat’s prodding for another half hour. But John says, "Oh. Okay," and… kind of wiggles his ass around instead of actually moving it aside.

"How are you so completely in the way? You’re like erupting vodka-piss spreading into all cracks of a pub floor, so that the smell will never be cleaned."

"Hahaha, you *wish* I was vodka piss," John says, which doesn’t make any sense, even knowing what Karkat will be using to hydrate his coffee later. "But yeah, I think that I will go as well. Talking about peeing has made me want to visit the little astronauts’ room." Karkat waits. John doesn’t distangle himself.

"No, no," John says. "After *you*."

Karkat mutters “mudak” under his breath, mutters other things under his breath. He scrambles slowly over John’s torso, careful of the join between observation module and station, and then uses John’s ankle for leverage while he reaches out for one of the station’s handholds.

And of course, that is when John chooses to kick off with a twist and a fucking mid-air pirouette.

The result is Karkat somersaulting helplessly towards Commander Medigo, who is dutifully pounding on the treadmill. She reaches out and nabs Karkat by the knee before he can flail into her head, gives him a wink, and shoves him in the direction of the room’s exit.

Back in Tranquilty, hovering as easily as one who has never known gravity, John is laughing.

Filed under john egbert karkat vantas aradia medigo i think aradia is like the only character in homestuck who would actually be a good astronaut smart methodical patient optimistic but not afraid of the worst case scenario likes learning stuff can work with others not offended by being a small part in a big picture okay so she's a little morbid but still THE ONLY ONE jade is a distant second nightpool42 ramble

112 notes

Anonymous asked: CAN YOU DO JOHNKAT CUDDLES PLEASE? <3

arbustorum:

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literally always sorry for weird colors XD

Look at what I found! It is a fan art where Karkat has decided to glomp onto John from behind, and then John looks startled and slightly concerned.

If you have seen very many John/Karkat fan arts you will understand why this is beautiful to me.

Filed under john egbert karkat vantas on closer examination they may just be unhappy at the viewer for voyeurism or something but i don't care