Posts tagged karkat vantas
Posts tagged karkat vantas
"It’s in there!" says John, pointing at a door in the station corridor. There’s no label that Karkat can make out, but the humans keep their habitat segment too bright and too cold. Everything is glittering and slow.
"*What*’s in there!"
John’s lips are twitching. “Karkat, I have told you, it is a surprise. Go and see.”
With what he feels is fully due suspicion, Karkat waves a hand in front of the door. It swings inward, instead of pulling back into the wall. But moving through another species’ exclusive-use space is always slightly off: furniture with no guessable function, or walls curving unexpectedly in space.
John indicates the inside of the door with his eyebrows.
"It’s a closet," Karkat says. "An empty closet."
"Nope!" says John. "Look closer."
Karkat peers. The room is white and bare. There’s a drain in the floor and recessed points in the walls for shelves to attach, but there are no shelves. “John, there’s nothing in here.”
"Are you sure? Maybe you should check."
"You’re right, let me look again," Karkat says. "Yes! I can see it now. A manifest representation of every single fucking one of your good qualities."
"Bluuuuh," says John. "Come on." He takes Karkat’s elbow and leads him into the closet. Now they are both surrounded by bright, close walls. At least John picked a cleaning supplies closet *without* the suggestively shaped receptacles and dusting folds on display like an exhibit at the Imperial Drones Are Your Friends Instructional Museum.
How I feel about this character:
I am super fond.
^— Me contemplating John Egbert
All the people I ship romantically with this character:
THE MORE YOU KNOW: One of my very first efforts in Homestuck fandom, after “John Egbert Kills Everyone: the Comedy Routine”, was “John Egbert Fucks Everyone: the Poetry Collection”
Friend, you were not very specific and you deserve what you get.
After they chain him in a damp, unpleasant smelling room, his kidnappers yank the hood from his face - hello to three copies of generic thug #8: the common fish-breathed no-bath snarl-troll - but they don’t blindfold him before stalking away.
John doesn’t know if it’s a courtesy, or if the trolls who nabbed him have just never sat down and really *thought* about their human stereotypes. His night vision sucks, but it’s not *nonexistent*. They didn’t even take his goggles; the gloomy below-decks shadows are pretty well defined as gloomy below-decks shadows go.
Attached to the adjacent wall, Karkat is loudly attempting to dislodge the blindfold anchored around his horns, but that doesn’t prove anything either way.
"Hey Karkat, calm the hell down!" John calls. "We’ve only been kidnapped by pirates."
Sharing the ISS “Tranquility” Node’s observatory module with Flight Engineer John Egbert reminds Karkat unpleasantly of sharing a bed* with his old jack russell terrier. By all predictive measures, they should both fit comfortably around their own sides of the main window, but John must be comprised of a previously undiscovered, exotic form of gas, because he has miraculously expanded to fill the entire volume available.
Karkat is squeezed into a thin strip between John’s shoulder and a 370 kilometer faceplant into the Atlantic Ocean.
* (Not that Karkat would waste his time imagining sharing a bed with Egbert. It would be terrible; John would take over the entire mattress and knock Karkat right off onto the floor, leaving him with cold feet and a sore ass every night. Wait, no. What? The point is, it would not be the right crewmate scenario to imagine for someone who wants to go to space today and the concept would never even alight gently upon Karkat’s mind.)
John is fondly regarding an ocean storm like it is there by his personal design: he makes soft “whoosh”ing noises and circles his arm to trace it. And because he’s a dipshit who’s forgotten that he has been in *freefall* for the past 4 weeks and has to *hold on*, every time he turns his arm the rest of his body tries to spin in the opposite direction. Karkat has to anchor them both with his temple against John’s collarbone.
"I really like it here," John says.
"Hah, yes, this is a good thing," says Karkat. "Otherwise we must give an emergency request to Houston. John Egbert has become bored of space, please urgently take a shuttle out of your museum, dust it a little maybe, and send it here for his rescue."
"Pfft. That’s not what I mean, dude," John says. "We both know that space is the best place to be." And apparently he has not yet claimed *enough* of the module, because one of his arms floats lightly against Karkat’s side. "But I could stay *here* forever." Karkat stretches his neck around to glare, but John is looking far past him. John’s glasses reflect the earth twice over. Everything is silver and blue and Karkat is frozen in his own very small and silent infinity.
The sun sets behind the Earth as the station falls. It catches on the razor edge of atmosphere, and for a brief, blazing moment, John is painted gold.
"Hmm. Not me. I can’t be here any longer," Karkat says. "I’m needed for fungus plate torture." John looks slightly confused - all three of the ISS crew memorize each other’s daily schedules, and the fungus experiment doesn’t need Karkat’s prodding for another half hour. But John says, "Oh. Okay," and… kind of wiggles his ass around instead of actually moving it aside.
"How are you so completely in the way? You’re like erupting vodka-piss spreading into all cracks of a pub floor, so that the smell will never be cleaned."
"Hahaha, you *wish* I was vodka piss," John says, which doesn’t make any sense, even knowing what Karkat will be using to hydrate his coffee later. "But yeah, I think that I will go as well. Talking about peeing has made me want to visit the little astronauts’ room." Karkat waits. John doesn’t distangle himself.
"No, no," John says. "After *you*."
Karkat mutters “mudak” under his breath, mutters other things under his breath. He scrambles slowly over John’s torso, careful of the join between observation module and station, and then uses John’s ankle for leverage while he reaches out for one of the station’s handholds.
And of course, that is when John chooses to kick off with a twist and a fucking mid-air pirouette.
The result is Karkat somersaulting helplessly towards Commander Medigo, who is dutifully pounding on the treadmill. She reaches out and nabs Karkat by the knee before he can flail into her head, gives him a wink, and shoves him in the direction of the room’s exit.
Back in Tranquilty, hovering as easily as one who has never known gravity, John is laughing.
literally always sorry for weird colors XD
Look at what I found! It is a fan art where Karkat has decided to glomp onto John from behind, and then John looks startled and slightly concerned.
If you have seen very many John/Karkat fan arts you will understand why this is beautiful to me.
Mobius (Reacharound) Battle.
[transcript: look, it’s. it’s that xkcb comic strip with the one person happily kicking a ball into another person’s head, but you twist it into a mobius strip and its just one person kicking a ball into their own head in an endless loop. Only with Karkat Vantas.]
IT’S CALLED ‘ALONE TIME’ FOR A REASON.
This picture is great because it appears that Karkat is content as a sleepy summer morning fuck to be romantically carried human bridal style into wherever, but then on the way John makes an incorrect comment about the three-sided pale love triangle mess in Hancock, and that’s it, Karkat refuses to kiss his face gash while it is spewing such rancid thoughtvomit, turn this pan deficient walk monkey around they are going back to the tv block and Karkat is going to step John through every scene until John finally gets schoolfed on the vast entirety of his obtuseness, and it is a good thing John has literally all the time in the universe for this because he will need it, he is that bad at movie watching.
okay, dude. do you want me to put you down now?
NO? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?
This one time I decided to experiment using tumblr tags as a story medium.
Whatever the results, it’s hard to link them together. So here we are.
Original cosplay post, with better resolution and credit links to the models, is right here.
I wasn’t done though. (The post is private because I made it, then thought “no, that is too creepy to attach directly onto a stranger’s cosplay post.” Indirectly here, though, apparently I think is okay?)
Original of the post below is no longer accessible a year later so I cannot link to it. It was a cute gif, so D:< is my feelings about that.
(In case anyone is wondering: No, the tags on my dash are not usually giant. It just seemed the easiest way to keep them legible in the screenshot.)
oh god i can’t
karkat honey no
oh my god
WHY DOES THIS HAVE OVER 200 NOTES
John Egbert: MASTER OF DISGUISE.
Gasp! That fine upstanding young troll with the dapper beagle puss?