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Posts tagged karkat vantas

19 notes

nightpool42 asked: John/Karkat. Astronaut AU!

Sharing the ISS “Tranquility” Node’s observatory module with American Flight Engineer John Egbert reminds Karkat unpleasantly of sharing a bed* with his old jack russell terrier. By all predictive measures, they should both fit comfortably around their own sides of the main window, but John must be comprised of a previously undiscovered, exotic form of gas, because he has miraculously expanded to fill the entire volume available.
Karkat is squeezed into a thin strip between John’s shoulder and a 370 kilometer faceplant into the Atlantic Ocean.

* (Not that Karkat would waste his time imagining sharing a bed with Egbert. It would be terrible; John would take over the entire mattress and knock Karkat right off onto the floor, leaving him with cold feet and a sore ass every night. Wait, no. What? The point is, it would not be the right crewmate scenario to imagine for someone who wants to go to space today and the concept would never even alight gently upon Karkat’s mind.)

John is fondly regarding an ocean storm like it is there by his personal design: he makes soft “whoosh”ing noises and circles his arm to trace it. And because he’s a dipshit who’s forgotten that he has been in *freefall* for the past 4 weeks and has to *hold on*, every time he turns his arm the rest of his body tries to spin in the opposite direction. Karkat has to anchor them both with his temple against John’s collarbone.

"I really like it here," John says.

"Hah, yes, this is a good thing," says Karkat. "Otherwise we must give an emergency request to Houston. John Egbert has become bored of space, please urgently take a shuttle out of your museum, dust it a little maybe, and send it here for his rescue."

"Pfft. That’s not what I mean, dude," John says. "We both know that space is the best place to be." And apparently he has not yet claimed *enough* of the module, because one of his arms floats lightly against Karkat’s side. "But I could stay *here* forever." Karkat stretches his neck around to glare, but John is looking far past him. John’s glasses reflect the earth twice over. Everything is silver and blue and Karkat is frozen in his own very small and silent infinity.

The sun sets behind the Earth as the station falls. It catches on the razor edge of atmosphere, and for a brief, blazing moment, John is painted gold.

"Hmm. Not me. I can’t be here any longer," Karkat says. "I’m needed for fungus plate torture." John looks slightly confused - all three of the ISS crew memorize each other’s daily schedules, and the fungus experiment doesn’t need Karkat’s prodding for another half hour. But John says, "Oh. Okay," and… kind of wiggles his ass around instead of actually moving it aside.

"How are you so completely in the way? You’re like erupting vodka-piss spreading into all cracks of a pub floor, so that the smell will never be cleaned."

"Hahaha, you *wish* I was vodka piss," John says, which doesn’t make any sense, even knowing what Karkat will be using to hydrate his coffee later. "But yeah, I think that I will go as well. Talking about peeing has made me want to visit the little astronauts’ room." Karkat waits. John doesn’t distangle himself.

"No, no," John says. "After *you*."

Karkat mutters “mudak” under his breath, mutters other things under his breath. He scrambles slowly over John’s torso, careful of the join between observation module and station, and then uses John’s ankle for leverage while he reaches out for one of the station’s handholds.

And of course, that is when John chooses to kick off with a twist and a fucking mid-air pirouette.

The result is Karkat somersaulting helplessly towards Commander Medigo, who is dutifully pounding on the treadmill. She reaches out and nabs Karkat by the knee before he can flail into her head, gives him a wink, and shoves him in the direction of the room’s exit.

Back in Tranquilty, hovering as easily as one who has never known gravity, John is laughing.

Filed under john egbert karkat vantas aradia medigo i think aradia is like the only character in homestuck who would actually be a good astronaut smart methodical patient optimistic but not afraid of the worst case scenario likes learning stuff can work with others not offended by being a small part in a big picture okay so she's a little morbid but still THE ONLY ONE jade is a distant second nightpool42 ramble

113 notes

Anonymous asked: CAN YOU DO JOHNKAT CUDDLES PLEASE? <3

arbustorum:

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literally always sorry for weird colors XD

Look at what I found! It is a fan art where Karkat has decided to glomp onto John from behind, and then John looks startled and slightly concerned.

If you have seen very many John/Karkat fan arts you will understand why this is beautiful to me.

Filed under john egbert karkat vantas on closer examination they may just be unhappy at the viewer for voyeurism or something but i don't care

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Mobius (Reacharound) Battle.

Source.

[transcript: look, it’s. it’s that xkcb comic strip with the one person happily kicking a ball into another person’s head, but you twist it into a mobius strip and its just one person kicking a ball into their own head in an endless loop. Only with Karkat Vantas.]

Filed under sxkcb? karkat vantas

282 notes

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This picture is great because it appears that Karkat is content as a sleepy summer morning fuck to be romantically carried human bridal style into wherever, but then on the way John makes an incorrect comment about the three-sided pale love triangle mess in Hancock, and that’s it, Karkat refuses to kiss his face gash while it is spewing such rancid thoughtvomit, turn this pan deficient walk monkey around they are going back to the tv block and Karkat is going to step John through every scene until John finally gets schoolfed on the vast entirety of his obtuseness, and it is a good thing John has literally all the time in the universe for this because he will need it, he is that bad at movie watching.

okay, dude. do you want me to put you down now?

NO? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT?

(Source: meruz, via fuckyeahjohnkarkat)

Filed under john egbert karkat vantas subtracted value i don't understand why tumblr is giving me the option to Let people answer this this isn't my post i'm concerned

24 notes

This one time I decided to experiment using tumblr tags as a story medium.

Whatever the results, it’s hard to link them together. So here we are.

Original cosplay post, with better resolution and credit links to the models, is right here.

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I wasn’t done though. (The post is private because I made it, then thought “no, that is too creepy to attach directly onto a stranger’s cosplay post.” Indirectly here, though, apparently I think is okay?)

Original of the post below is no longer accessible a year later so I cannot link to it. It was a cute gif, so D:< is my feelings about that.

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(In case anyone is wondering: No, the tags on my dash are not usually giant. It just seemed the easiest way to keep them legible in the screenshot.)

Filed under john egbert jade harley karkat vantas ramble subtracted value violence tag

11 notes

Fuck it, no one is on IM and I’m a genius.

Who has seen Shallow Hal? (Don’t see Shallow Hal.)

So in Human Shallow Hal, this jackass gets hypnotized to see the good-person scale in place of the media-defined-beauty scale and then there’s an hour of fat jokes.

May I posit that in Troll Shallow Hal, we follow the adventures of a casteist jerkass who gets mind-powered into seeing, ah, worthiness? usefulness to the Empire? instead of bloodhue (… then there’s an hour of lowblood jokes).

So troll jerkass gets involved with someone they see as near-royal, but who is rust-red or MAYBE A MUTANT EVEN, who is not used to being treated with such deference BUT THEY THINK THEY COULD GET USED TO IT BECAUSE THEY ARE A QUALITY (“QUALITY”) TROLL IS THE CONCEIT.

(The whole scene where low-caste crush reveals this terrible secret in awkward, naked trust - but the jerkass only views it as they are MORE royal than previously assumed - LOLOLOL - is especially poorly handled I bet)

And then in the end all the characters are killed for subversion of the hemospectrum, it is very appropriate and satisfying.

In conclusion: probably a Equius/Karkat romcom

(and George Costanza can be played by Equius’ even more jerkass friend Vriska)

(only in this version no one gets murdered because D: )

good night.

Filed under homestuck goggles game karkat vantas equius zahhak