Posts tagged karkat vantas

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Fuck it, no one is on IM and I’m a genius.

Who has seen Shallow Hal? (Don’t see Shallow Hal.)

So in Human Shallow Hal, this jackass gets hypnotized to see the good-person scale in place of the media-defined-beauty scale and then there’s an hour of fat jokes.

May I posit that in Troll Shallow Hal, we follow the adventures of a casteist jerkass who gets mind-powered into seeing, ah, worthiness? usefulness to the Empire? instead of bloodhue (… then there’s an hour of lowblood jokes).

So troll jerkass gets involved with someone they see as near-royal, but who is rust-red or MAYBE A MUTANT EVEN, who is not used to being treated with such deference BUT THEY THINK THEY COULD GET USED TO IT BECAUSE THEY ARE A QUALITY (“QUALITY”) TROLL IS THE CONCEIT.

(The whole scene where low-caste crush reveals this terrible secret in awkward, naked trust - but the jerkass only views it as they are MORE royal than previously assumed - LOLOLOL - is especially poorly handled I bet)

And then in the end all the characters are killed for subversion of the hemospectrum, it is very appropriate and satisfying.

In conclusion: probably a Equius/Karkat romcom

(and George Costanza can be played by Equius’ even more jerkass friend Vriska)

(only in this version no one gets murdered because D: )

good night.

Filed under homestuck goggles game karkat vantas equius zahhak

17 notes


what i love about karkat<>kanaya is how they’re probably better as friends. but does that stop them from fantasizing about it. and tying themselves into knots over it. and being friends. and dropping everything to run through burning forests together because neither of them can fly. IT DOES NOT

This is all completely accurate I have been trying since yesterday to decide if we are the worst or the best at shipping.

(Source: fuckyeahmarshworth)

Filed under karkat vantas kanaya maryam demagogol

24 notes

odditycollector asked: I have a lot of feelings about how bad Kanaya is at romance. Especially pale (though I do not remember evidence of her ashen success either). I have looked at a lot of K<>K fanarts in my long life and in a great many of them have her calmly comforting upset Karkats which is okay with me but, like, remember the time she tried to comfort an upset Karkat by giving him his dead buddy's sweaty and probably bloody sunglasses? See also: Vriska. Girl is a disaster.






but really… all that fanart of her holding his head in her lap on couches while he cries… when really, kanaya reacts to a crying karkat by tying him up and leaving him in the trunk of rose’s car.

Never mind the image of Rose unpacking her groceries to excavate bag by bag a bound and silenced Karkat Vantas: Rose firming her lips into a narrow line and wordlessly closing the trunk again.

I bet this makes Rose and Kanaya getting pulled over by the police for speeding away from a bank robbery even more of an awkward situation for all involved.

Filed under demigogol especially jade dragged down to the station to bail them out (did they rob the bank? I'd like to think probably.) karkat vantas kanaya maryam

4 notes

Homesmut Sightings for 20-Feb-2014


Important: The content notes are grabbed from the first 5 lines of a post. This is a summary of the Homestuck kink meme. Assume “Author Chose Not To Warn” in all cases.




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Kinda interesting prompt tonight:

Beforus AU, Older!Threshecutioner!Karkat+Meenah
PROMPT: Karkat Vantas is the Grand Threshecutioner to the Empress Feferi on Beforus and her descendant Meenah has the biggest crush on him! Up to you what Karkat thinks of all this.

(Finally, something she’s looking forward to inheriting.)

Filed under all the links in this post are nsfw meenah peixes karkat vantas homesmut-voyeur

671 notes



they fell asleep watching twilight

happy valentine’s!

Filed under kanaya maryam rose lalonde karkat vantas p much my homestuck shipping grid not seen: Kanaya's hot kismesis who was consigned to the floor at her feet on account of alternatively bouncing on the... sitting mound or refusing to shut up during the good bits almost made THREE lifelong enemies on this day better luck next time i was originally going to say something about duct tape as a gag but then i remembered everyone in the room had fallen asleep and became horrified fuck it goodnight i just enjoy it when kanaya gets nice things subtracted value

2 notes

Anonymous asked: jadekat

(but I will do this one because it came in before I asked for non-anon prompts)

the sex scene went horribly glitched
when, behind Harley’s ears, Karkat scritched
he had wrongass conclusions
about horn-placed protrusions,
and her leg thrashed and violently twitched

Our Heroes commenced with loud flailings
and ranged arguments about failings
but she felt like a mook
mashing ice to his nook
thus, I fear, was the end of ‘night’s pailings

Filed under jade harley karkat vantas improper use of dr seuss Anonymous

353 notes




i like the idea of trolls displaying aggression and submission the exact opposite of the way humans do.  if their head is bowed, they’re being threatening because the horns are angled toward you.  if their heads are raised, it’s because they’re showing their necks and indicating submission.  if they’re glaring at you like the karkat in the bottom left then you’re really in trouble because he is 100% done with your shit john.

credit goes to asuka for coming up with this in how she portrays kk in battlefield terra

:DDDDD haha i was about to say THATS HOW I DO IT haha welp.


Filed under karkat vantas yeah real impressive threat display there dude I'm quaking

737 notes


more fic where John shows his friends bad movies that aren’t Con Air

he shows Mac and Me to Karkat because it the quintessential bad movie about alien best buddies, Karkat legit gets emotional

he gets Dave to watch Birdemic so Dave can gawk in amazement at the achievement in GIF shittiness the special effects are

he watches The Room with Rose so she can try to piece together what everyone’s fucking deal is in that movie is and marvel at the psychological enigma that is Tommy Wiseau

he shows Space Jam to Jade because the Looney Tunes are kind of like furries, he guesses

(via orbitingghosts)

Filed under john egbert jade harley rose lalonde dave strider karkat vantas